New Piermont Mayor Nate Mitchell’s To-Do List.
1. Issue
a mayoral Executive Order compelling Bruce Tucker to pick-up all the Kevin
Timoney “Piermont United” campaign signs along the Sparkill Creek, drive them
to the end of the Piermont Pier, and burn them as unwanted garbage in a carefully-controlled evening bonfire.
2.
Repeal “Local Law #4 of 2023” and permanently erase it from Piermont books.
3.
Extinguish any last vestige of the Central Business Multi-Use (CBM) Zone, and permanently erase it from Piermont
books.
4.
Write Frank Decarlo and Piermont Developers, LLC permanently revoking any application they filed for 447-477 Piermont Avenue, fully refund any of their filing fees, and tell them that their dirty
Jersey money ain’t no good in Piermont anymore. When issuing the writing, do not let The Village Yorg mail the letter. Mail it yourself, instead.
5.
Remove all fencing around 447-477 Piermont Avenue by either mayoral edict, or else
condemnation of the parcel if necessary. For that matter, make Rondi Casey pull up the fence and trash it. She’ll have a lot of time on her hands now.
6.
Dig up any and all submerged gasoline tanks and other appliances out of the ground at 447-477
Piermont Avenue, and make the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation fully
remediate the site otherwise.
7.
Write non-journalist Tina Traster the RCBJ, and issue a mayoral Executive Order
permanently revoking her pathetic artistic license.
8.
Fire the Village Yorg. By mailed letter. With a postmark.
9.
Fire all Village counsel, both in-house and out-house.
10.
Fix the Piermont Pier.
11.
Fix all Piermont flooding.
12.
Complete a full clean-up of the Sparkill Creek.
13.
Issue a formal mayoral proclamation confirming that Bruce Tucker is no longer
welcome in the Village of Piermont. The written proclamation should be accompanied by a prospective reimbursement
for Tucker’s one-way bus ticket back to Jersey.
14.
Help the New York State Comptroller, the Rockland County District Attorney, the New York State Attorney General’s Public Corruption Unit, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation locate Bruce
Tucker’s new address in Bay Head, New Jersey… (Oh, wait a minute... They already
have it).
15.
Issue a formal mayoral proclamation confirming that Richard Owen (“Dick”) Burns
is no longer welcome in the Village of Piermont. The written proclamation should be accompanied by a prospective
reimbursement for Dick’s one-way bus ticket back to Valley Cottage.
16.
Issue a formal mayoral proclamation confirming that Daniel Spitzer is no longer
welcome in the Village of Piermont. The written proclamation should be accompanied by a prospective reimbursement
for Spitzer’s one-way bus ticket back to anywhere where he cannot inflict any further
harm or damage on anyone.
17.
Issue a formal mayoral proclamation confirming that neither Kevin Timoney nor
his laptop are welcome in the Village of Piermont. The written proclamation should be accompanied by a prospective
reimbursement for TIMBO’s one-way bus ticket to his office in Brooklyn.
18.
Get three different quotes from three different priests for the January
exorcism to be held at Village Hall. Once you get the bill, send the bill to Bruce Tucker. If you haven’t fired her yet, then don’t let the Village Yorg mail the bill. Mail it yourself.
19.
Issue a mayoral
Executive Order permanently banning and disassociating all known past child sex-abusers from the
Piermont Fire Department, regardless of their respective familial relationships with other firehouse or government personnel.
20.
Dissolve non-profit entities “Piermont Historical Society” and “Piermont Civic
Association”. Then, re-file, re-configure, and re-populate these non-profits with non-corrupt
responsible adults.
21.
Fire all staff on the “Piermont Newsletter” masthead. Then, re-configure and re-populate
the publication with non-corrupt responsible adults.
22. Ban Barbara Scheulen and Margaret Grace from any future association with Piermont government or with Piermont civic affairs, period. Dissolve the so-called “Piermont Democratic Committee”. Then, re-configure and re-populate
the PDC with non-corrupt responsible adults who actually know how to spell the word
“incumbent”.
23.
Sometime before January 1, 2026, figure out how to live-blog, and AI-transcribe
for real-time publication, every single Board of Trustees meeting in Piermont, and
every single committee meeting in Piermont.
24.
Cancel the asinine Bastille Day “celebration” permanently, in favor of an American June
14 Flag Day celebration and an American July 4 Independence day celebration. Burn that
stupid mock guillotine in the same bonfire at the end of the Piermont Pier
where Tucker is burning the Kevin Timoney “Piermont United” campaign-sign garbage.
25.
Permanently ban any and all Carol Channing music or routines from being played or performed
anywhere within the jurisdictional limits of the Village of Piermont or in
neighboring Sparkill.
26.
Make sure that you keep Dennis Hardy and
his stupid exclamation-point posse as far away from Piermont Village Hall as
possible, and whatever you do, don’t ever make him a Trustee. Always remember
that there is a reason why he is an ex-mayor.
27.
Impose a complete facial-hair ban on anyone who has served as a Piermont
Trustee during 2025, just like Steinbrenner and the Yankees front-office used
to impose on the players.
28. Cut spending to dig Piermont out of the multi-million dollar Net Position hole in which Garmento Mayor Bruce Tucker put the Village and its taxpayers over the last eight years.
